God then went to the Jews and said, “I have Commandments…” The French wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” Next the Lord went to the French saying, “I have Commandments…” The Italians wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shalt not steal.” So God went to the Italians and said, “I have Commandments…” God says, “Thou shalt not kill.” “Not kill? We’re not interested.” The 10 Commandments and the JewsĬenturies ago, God came down, went to the Germans and said, “I have Commandments that will help you live better lives.” Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?”įather Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why did ya’ not tell me the dog was Catholic? 9. “Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?”įather Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not we cannot have services for an animal in the church. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, me dog is dead. Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. #Funny clean text jokes how to#The man turns to the one with the cross and says, “Moishe, can you imagine, this goy is trying to tell us how to run our business?” 8. He says to the man with the Star of David, “Don’t you realize that this is a Catholic country? You’ll never get any contributions holding a Star of David.” Soon, the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.Ī priest watches for a while and then approaches the men. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money into the hat of the man with the cross. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. One is holding a cross and the other a Star of David. Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Ireland. With astonishment in his voice, the boy answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!” 7. “What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.” “Mama, look what I found,” he called out. He picked it up and found that it was an old leaf that had been pressed flat between the pages. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Visiting his grandparents, a small boy opened the big family Bible. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.Īs he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say to the other, “I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain’t never seen anything like that.” 6. The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. When he eventually arrived an hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, the backhoe was next to the open hole, and the workmen were sitting under a tree eating lunch. Not knowing where the cemetery was, he made several wrong turns and got lost. An inexperienced preacher was to hold a graveside burial service at a pauper’s cemetery for an indigent man with no family or friends.
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